Interesting Email Forwards

Ye ghane badlo si chhai teri zulfe

2011-11-02T08:21:00.000+05:30

Ye ghane badlo si chhai teri zulfe
Yu na tarrif karu to tera kya hota
Ye sheeshe sa saraha tera badan
Yu na tarrif karu to tera kya hota
Sun e-katil hasina agar teri nigaho ka jaadu
Hume ghayal na kar pata to tera kya hota
Yu to bahut hai tere chahne wale
Magar hume tera aashiq na banaya hota to tera kya hota

Ik rishta banaaya inn aankhon ne

2011-11-02T08:11:00.000+05:30

Ik rishta banaaya inn aankhon ne,
Mujhe dil tak pahuchaya inn aankhon ne,
Main yaad karun unn sapnon ko,
Jinhe sach kar dikhaaya inn aankhon ne.

Honth to ab tak hile na they,
Haath haath se mile na they,
Chupke se sab samjhaaya inn aankhon ne.

Dhadkan ke saaz bas baje hi the,
Saanso ko lay sang rache hi the,
Pyar ka sundar geet banaaya inn aankhon ne.

Inn aankhon ka ab kya kehna,
Bas inmey hai ab khoya rehna,
Hamey jeena sikhaaya inn aankhon ne.

Passwords used by Celebrities

2010-12-02T08:37:00.001+05:30

Abhishek Bachchan - P Ash Word
Amitabh Bachchan - rekha
Shahrukh Khan - ppppassword
Madhuri Dixit - 12345678910111213
Shahid Kapur - Paffword
Bill Gates - pMSword
Barack Obama - TheBlackHouse
Deve Gowda -zzZZZ
Sunil Bharti Mittal - KhuljaSIMSIM
Vijay Mallya: calendarshouldhave20months
Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar - India
RahulDravid - Nothing shall pass
Saurav Ganguly - Iamthebest
Navjot Singh Sidhu - lol
Emraan Hashmi - Muaaaaah
Nana Patekar - Kaekopoocha
Gabbar Singh - Aakthoo!!

Anu Malik will use passwords chosen by somebody else
Rajnikanth doesn't need a password
ACP Pradyuman - daya_darwaza_tod_do ;) ;)

The Balloonist

2010-11-30T00:02:00.000+05:30

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you
help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know
where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon, approximatly 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above
sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes North Latitude and 100
degrees, 49.09 minutes West Longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still
lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrate."

"I am," replied the balloonest. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.
You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your
problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but
somehow, now it's my fault."

Secret of Best Corn

2010-11-12T06:38:00.000+05:30

There was a Nebraska farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon.

One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.

"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."

He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.

The same logic applies to the other dimensions. Those who choose to be at peace must help their neighbors to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.

The lesson for each of us is this:

If we have to be happy, we should help us neighbor be happy.

The Secret to Happy Married Life

2010-11-12T06:15:00.000+05:30

Once I was asked by my Friend, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

I said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other then there will absolutely be no problems."

He asked, "Can you explain?"

I said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, the friend asked me "Give me some examples."

I said," Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator , monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it."

He asked, "Then what is your role?"

I said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether should America attack Iran? Whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe? Whether to widen African economy? Whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire? Etc., etc. And do you know one thing? My wife NEVER, EVER objects to any of these"

Winter in Florida

2010-11-12T05:58:00.000+05:30

Some Shayaris

2009-09-27T23:33:00.000+05:30

Unki galiyoon se jab guzre to manzar ajeeb tha, Dard tha magar wo dil ke kareeb tha, Jise hum dhoondhte the apni hathoon ki lakeeroon mein Wo kisi doosre ki kismat, kisi aur ka naseeb tha.
Khuda kare ki pyar me kisi ka dil na toote Jaise rutha mera sanam kisi aur ka na ruthe Rota hai dil aur toot jate hain sapne Ankhon ke aansoo bhi nahin hote hain apne
Kaash wo nagme humein sunaye na hote, Aaj unko sunkar ye aansu na aaye hote, Agar is tarah bhul jaana hi tha, To itni gehrai se dil mein samaaye na hote..
Neend aankhon main nahin, khwaab kho gaye Tanha hi the, kuch aur tere bin hum ho gaye Dil kuch tadap utha, zuban bhi ladkhadai Teri yaad main do aansu chupke se beh gaye !

Why do boys go to temple?

2009-09-27T23:22:00.000+05:30

Why do boys go to temple?

Because

a temple is the only place

where u can find.

Pooja

Preeti

Bhavana

Shraddha

Aarti

Archana

Aradhana

Shanti

Jyoti

..........

.......

Finally

TRUPTI

THEN

MUKTI

Very Good Creative Art

2009-09-27T23:10:00.000+05:30

1 GB 20 years ago and 1GB now

2009-08-15T00:58:00.000+05:30

1GB ---- 20 years ago
and
1GB-------- now

When I become PROJECT MANGER...!

2009-08-15T00:53:00.000+05:30

When I become PROJECT MANAGER

my team members will be

*

*

*

*

*

*

Keep Swine Flu Away with Basic Precautions

2009-08-12T01:29:00.000+05:30

Keep Swine Flu Away with Basic Precautions

Swine flu in India is spreading like wildfire, taking the toll to six. Officials say there are currently more than 800 cases of the H1N1 flu strain in India. Governments from all around the world are finding ways to combat this deadly disease. So what can you do to protect yourself? Stay calm and practice these 10 effective prevention tips.

1. Wash your hands frequently

Use the antibacterial soaps to cleanse your hands. Wash them often, at least 15 seconds and rinse with running water.

2. Get enough sleep

Try to get 8 hours of good sleep every night to keep your immune system in top flu-fighting shape.

3. Keep hydrated

Drink 8 to10 glasses of water each day to flush toxins from your system and maintain good moisture and mucous production in your sinuses.

4. Boost your immune system

Keeping your body strong, nourished, and ready to fight infection is important in flu prevention. So stick with whole grains, colorful vegetables, and vitamin-rich fruits.

5. Keep informed

The government is taking necessary steps to prevent the pandemic and periodically release guidelines to keep the pandemic away. Please make sure to keep up to date on the information and act in a calm manner.

6. Avoid alcohol

Apart from being a mood depressant, alcohol is an immune suppressant that can actually decrease your resistance to viral infections like swine flu. So stay away from alcoholic drinks so that your immune system may be strong.

7. Be physically active

Moderate exercise can support the immune system by increasing circulation and oxygenating the body. For example brisk walking for 30-40 minutes 3-4 times a week will significantly perk up your immunity.

8. Keep away from sick people

Flu virus spreads when particles dispersed into the air through a cough or sneeze reach someone else's nose. So if you have to be around someone who is sick, try to stay a few feet away from them and especially, avoid physical contact.

9. Know when to get help

Consult your doctor if you have a cough and fever and follow their instructions, including taking medicine as prescribed.

10. Avoid crowded areas

Try to avoid unnecessary trips outside. Moreover, avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread this way.

Bonus Payments

2009-08-11T20:05:00.000+05:30

Bonus Payments

The Pentagon recently found it had way too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away would get his full annual benefits plus 10,000 Dollars for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of 720,000 Dollars.

The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for 960,000 Dollars.

When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles."

The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice cheques the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.

The medical officer arrived and asked the general to drop the pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back.

"My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"

The general replied, "One in Iraq and the other in Afghanistan... Keep measuring!!"

Women are always Clever

2009-08-11T19:55:00.000+05:30

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."

Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

Beauty Of City Night

2009-08-11T19:52:00.000+05:30

Beauty Of City Night

Fighting Depression

2009-08-11T07:07:00.000+05:30

Depression

Our positive living anti-depression program is a hands on approach through Positive guidance, ayurveda, yoga and meditation therapy with a goal to eliminate present or future dependency on medication.

It has been so successful that we have helped several people from eliminating years of dependency on medication!

Each year more than 25 million Americans are treated with antidepressants. Effective? Yes, but the added stress of side effects, such as weight gain, lethargy, and sexual dysfunction, have brought into question whether medication is the only solution. It may not be. Recent studies have shown evidence that the practice of yogapostures, breathing techniques, meditationhas beneficial effects on the emotional well-being and mental acuity of depression sufferers. And, best of all, without the side effects.

A recent, yet small, Scandinavian study conducted by Eric Hoffman, Ph.D., that measured brain waves before and after a two-hour Kriya Yoga class found that alpha waves (relaxation) and theta waves (unconscious memory, dreams, emotions) increased by 40 percent. This means the brain is more deeply relaxed after yoga and the subjects have better contact with their subconscious and emotions. The Scandinavian study is significant for depression sufferers because after the yoga session, alpha waves increased in the right temporal lobe.

Previous research has shown that depressed, introverted people typically have more alpha activity in the left frontal-temporal region, while optimistic, extroverted people have more alpha activity on the right. That theta waves also increased supports the notion that yoga works to alleviate depression not only by increasing brain chemicals that contribute to a feel-good responsesuch as endorphins, enkephalins, and serotoninbut also by providing greater access to feelings.

Another study, conducted jointly by the Philadelphia-based Jefferson Medical College and Yoga Research Society, found that practitioners experienced a significant drop in cortisol levels after a single yoga class. High cortisol levels are characteristics of stress and serious depression. A marked decrease in cortisol and increase in the hormone prolactinwhich is believed by many professionals to be the key in producing the anti-depressant effect of electroshock therapywas also demonstrated in tests conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences in India, using the breathing technique Sudharshan Kriya (SKY). In several major controlled studies involving adults with major depressive disorder, SKY produced dramatic relief from depression accompanied by beneficial changes in brain and hormone function.

But what about long-term effects? So far, most of the longer studies have been done in the area of mindfulness-based training; the most recent one was published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology (vol. 68, 2000). Here, mindfulness-based stress reduction was combined with group cognitive therapy as an eight-week treatment in the prevention of recurrence of major depression. In follow-up testing a year later, the treatment group had a significantly lower relapse rate than did the control group.

"There are many things in ure life which will catch ure eye but only few will catch your heart pursue those..."

Find who is invisible in gmail chat (Gtalk)

2009-08-11T06:59:00.000+05:30

Many people already blogged about this article. I made the same experiment. It works.
If you want to find say xyz@gmail.com is invisible or not.
Open your gtalk app and type this email address in top search textbox

Click the profile, it opens in new window as usual

Click on the down arrow button in the top right corner of the window, and you can see Go off the record link there.

And type any chat, say "hi"
You will get a red text showing the "person is offline , can't receive the message right now " implies the person is offline

(The above picture shows user is invisible- since no warning message in red color)

Hypnotised

2009-08-09T13:07:00.000+05:30

It was opening night at the Orpheum theater and the Amazing hypnotist was topping the bill.

People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.

As the Amazing hypnotist took to the stage, she announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as the hypnotist withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat.

"I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations."

She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...".

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Shit" exclaimed the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theater ..

Friends For Ever

2009-08-05T02:48:00.000+05:30

　　F RIEND
　　R esponsible
　　I ntelligent
　　E xciting to be Around
　　N ice Always
　　D ependable
　　S miles a Lot
●═══════════◄►══════════●
●═══════════◄►══════════●
　　F riendly Personality
　　O utstanding
　　R eally Great Memories
●═══════════◄►══════════●
●═══════════◄►══════════●
　　E xcellent Listener
　　V ery Kind
　　E njoyable
　　R emember our friendship
●═══════════◄►══════════●
●═══════════◄►══════════●
●═══════════◄►══════════●
　　　　　　　　 Friend Ship
●═══════════◄►══════════●
　　F riends
　　R esponsible
　　I ntelligent
　　E xciting to be Around
　　N ice Always
　　D ependable
　　S miles a Lot
●═══════════◄►══════════●
●═══════════◄►══════════●
　　F riendly Personality
　　O utstanding
　　R eally Great Memories
●═══════════◄►══════════●
●═══════════◄►══════════●
　　E xcellent Listener
　　V ery Kind
　　E njoyable
　　R emember our friendship
●═══════════◄►══════════●

How to escape a Heart Attack

2009-08-05T01:34:00.000+05:30

Let's say it's 6.15 pm and you're going home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You're really tired, upset and frustrated.

Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE
Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help,the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.

However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.

A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital. Tell as many other people as possible about this. It could save their lives!!

A cardiologist says If everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we'll save at least one life.

BE A FRIEND AND PLEASE SEND THIS ARTICLE TO AS MANY FRIENDS ! AS POSSIBLE

Who loves more?

2009-08-05T01:19:00.000+05:30

Two butterflies were in love.........

One day, they decided to play Hide n Seek.......

During the play.....
Boy Butterfly - "A small game within us"
Girl Butterfly - "OK"
Boy Butterfly - "The one who sits in this flower tomorrow early in the
morning.....that one loves the other one more....."
Girl Butterfly - "OK"

Next morning, the boy butterfly waits for the flower to open so that he can
sit before the girl butterfly does......

Finally, the flower opened.....

What did he see.....?????........

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The girl butterfly had died inside the flower.....

She stayed there all night......so that early in the morning......as soon as
she sees him.......she can fly to him and tell him how much she loved
him........

This is true LOVE....

Life is LOVE.......

LIVING MIGHT MEAN TAKING CHANCES, BUT THEY ARE WORTH TAKING......
LOVING MIGHT BE A MISTAKE, BUT ITS WORTH MAKING

The case of the elephant and the bananas

2009-08-05T00:59:00.000+05:30

An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat the bananas. Why ?
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Because the bananas are made of plastic.

The 5 bananas are real , but yet the elephant does not eat it. Why?

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Because the elephant is made of plastic.

Hah ha a

never give up

one more..

Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat it.
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Why ?

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Because the bananas are in the TV.

Ooops!!! Cool down

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?

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Because they are on different channels.

Hohohohoohohoh. .hehehe

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the
same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?
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Come on think...
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Because the TV is off.

Kikikikikiki J

Now Finally the Elephant gets a chance to eat the bananas.Why?

Why are you thinking so much???

What has it done to you??

Let the poor elephant eat the bananas

Now get back to work

Don't look at me.
Even I am searching for the person who has sent it to me

Stay Focused On a Goal

2009-01-25T06:32:00.000+05:30

Do you stay focused on all that
"could go wrong" or "what ifs"
or Past regrets?

Stay focused on a goal...
keep your thoughts on what you
can do in this now moment to take
your life in a new direction.

Make A list of all the areas of
your life that you want to improve.

One at A time, decide how you can
change that area...and then do it!

Growth is the willingness to move
in new directions, to take a leap
of faith into the unknown and
try something different.

The opportunities are there.

Don't resist change.

Throw yourself into it
And enjoy it.
St

Perplexing Questions

2008-05-08T04:14:00.000+05:30

Perplexing Questions

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their butt when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Finally the most perplexing question of them all….Why is it that Donald Duck never wears any pants, ever, but when he goes swimming he puts on shorts?

Drawbacks to working in a cubicle

2008-05-08T01:19:00.000+05:30

Drawbacks to working in a cubicle

Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the darn box all day!
Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.
Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.
Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
23 power cords, 1 outlet.
Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.
If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."
If your boss calls you and asks you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march... people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.
You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.

Suzy's Legs

2008-05-08T01:16:00.001+05:30

Suzy's Legs

There were three guys in a new bar that just openened and the bartender asked them what he should call his new bar.

One guy said, "just name it a pub." Another said, "just name it the bar." The thrid guy said, "name it Suzy's Legs".

The owner like that one so he called his bar Suzy's Legs.

The next morning, this same guy and his dog were sitting in front of the bar waiting for it to open when a cop drove by and asked what he was doing?

He replied...nothing officer..."just waiting for Suzy's Legs to open so I can get a drink!"

Beers for everyone!

2008-05-08T01:14:00.001+05:30

Beers for everyone!

A guy walked into a bar and said "Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender."

But when it was time to pay, the guy didn't have the money, so the bartender beat him up.

The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldn't pay.

Then the next day, the guy said "Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!"

The bartender said "Why?"

The guy replyed "You're violent when you're drunk!"

I didn't even know

2008-05-08T01:13:00.001+05:30

I didn't even know

Three drunks were sitting at a bar.

The first one said... "I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes."

He paused. "I didn't even know she smoked!"

The second drunk said... "I can beat that! I went into my daughters room, looked in the closet and found a case of beer. I didn't even know she drank!"

The first two looked at the third as he begin to speak..
"I can beat that! I went into my daughter's room and looked under her pillow. I found a pack of condoms!!!"

He paused... "I didn't even know she had a penis!!!"

Blonde's Dream

2008-05-08T00:59:00.000+05:30

Blonde's Dream

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?

Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.

Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"

Nuclear power

2008-05-08T00:52:00.000+05:30

Nuclear power

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane. He turned to the boy and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about Nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

Why do you suppose that is?" "Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't Know about shit?"

Does it Matter?

2008-05-08T00:44:00.000+05:30

Does it Matter?

A tourist from Bulgaria visited the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration desk, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The Immigration officer looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write "Twice a week" into the small space labeled "SEX".

The officer explained: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'."

"Does it matter?" the tourist answered.

European Etiquette

2008-05-08T00:41:00.000+05:30

European Etiquette

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.

"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.

"I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta go."

"You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me."

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges.

"Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."

The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started urinating on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief. Then turning toward the officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"

"No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."

Do you know what does your dream mean?

2008-05-08T00:20:00.000+05:30

Do you know what does your dream mean?

Do you know what does your dream mean? Do you know if your dream gave you a hint of a better or not so better tomorrow? Are you curious to know what did you see in your dream? If yes, find your dream below.

ACORN

Dreaming of acorns predicts pleasant things & that much gain is to be expected.

For a woman to dream of eating acorns denotes that she will rise to a position of ease & pleasure.

To dream of shaking acorns from a tree means that you will rapidly attain your wishes in business or love.

AIRPORT

In a dream the sight of a busy airport represents the desire for freedom and/or travel.

If the airport is empty and deserted your own travel plans will be changed or delayed.

ALMONDS

If you see almonds in your dream you'll have a temporary sorrow.

If you ate and enjoyed them, you'll be lucky, but if they tasted bitter, you should delay any contemplated changes for as long as possible.

ANGELS

A favorable dream forecasting success, protection, happiness, and rewarding friendships.

BABY

To see a baby in your dream signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. A love affair may be blooming for you in your near future. You will also make new and fun friends.

If a woman dreams she is nursing a baby, she will be deceived by the one she trusts the most

Seeing balloons in your dream indicates a dashing of hope on any and all fronts, business or love, as well as a general falling off of all kinds of businesses you may be involved in.

If you are ascending in a balloon this is an omen of especially frustrating conditions in your life.

BEAR

To dream of killing a bear foretells liberation from entanglements.

BED

To dream of a clean, white bed denotes the end of worries.

If a woman dreams of making a bed, there will soon be a new lover in her life.

BICYCLE

To dream of riding a bicycle uphill signifies bright prospects.

To dream of riding downhill calls for care - misfortune is near.

BIRDS

Flying birds are a sign of prosperity to the dreamer.

BIRTH

If you dream of death it's a sign of a birth, if you dream of birth, it's a sign of death.

BUTTERFLY

To see a butterfly among flowers indicates prosperity.

To see butterflies flying around denotes news from absent friends by letter or from someone who has seen them.

CANDLES

To see candles burning with a clear and steady flame denotes the constancy of those around you and a well-grounded fortune.

CATS

Dreaming of a cat is a generally unfortunate omen and it shows treachery as well as a run of bad luck.

Cats attacking you represent enemies; if you succeed banishing them you will overcome great obstacles and rise in fortune and fame.

CROW

Seeing a crow in your dream means disappointment in everything, grief and misfortune.

CROWN

To dream of a crown predicts a change in your life. The dreamer will travel a long distance from home & form new relationships.

DEATH

If you dream of death it's a sign of a birth, if you dream of birth, it's a sign of death.

DANCING

To dream that you are dancing means that some unexpected good fortune will come to you.

DECEASED PERSON

If you should dream of a deceased person and this person speaks only to you, pay close attention to what the spirit is telling you as it could be very important to you.

To dream of seeing a deceased person is normally a dream of warning, and it tells you that the influences around you at this time do not bode well for your affairs, and you should not enter into any binding contracts or verbal agreements.

DIAMONDS
To dream of owning diamonds is a very promising dream signifying great honor and recognition from high places.

DOG

To dream about a dog indicates great gain and constant friends.

To hear the barking of dogs foretells news of depressing nature. Difficulties are more likely to follow.

DRAGONFLY

If you dream that a dragonfly lands on your body then you will have excellent news from someone far away from home.

If you see a dead dragonfly, then the news will be bad.

A dragonfly perched gracefully on some other object shows that you will soon be having guests that may be hard to get rid of.

DRIVING

If you dream that you are driving a vehicle it is a sign that you should be careful to take no chances with your money, such as gambling, in the next two weeks or so.

If someone else is doing the driving you will find yourself in luck, money wise.

FACE

To dream of a smiling face signifies pleasant new friends, experiences, and/or financial gains.

To dream of unpleasant or grotesque (unless amusingly so) faces portend loss.

To dream you are washing your face denotes a necessity to atone for some past indiscretion; better make amends!

To see the faces of strangers signifies an approaching change of residence.

FALLING

To dream of falling indicates a loss of emotional equilibrium or self-control. It may represent your insecurity, a lack of self-confidence, a fear of failure or an inability to cope with a situation.

If you fall a long distance in your dream and get hurt, be prepared for really hard times ahead; but if you fall and are not injured your upsets will be minor and temporary.

GANG

To dream that you are confronted or threatened by a gang signifies circumstances or situations in your waking life which are overwhelming and you feel have ganged up on you.

GARDEN

To see a vegetable garden in your dream symbolizes increased prosperity will come your way through diligence and care. It also suggests of stability and inner growth.

To see a flower garden in your dream foretells of tranquility, comfort, true love and happy home in your future.

To see a sparse, weed-infested garden denotes that you have neglected your spiritual needs.

GLOVES

To dream of gloves means that you will have a lawsuit or business troubles, but you will settle them in a manner that satisfies you.

To find a pair of gloves denotes a marriage or new love affair.

HAIR

Dreaming about hair means that you are careless in your personal affairs and will lose advancement by neglecting mental application.

HAIRDRESSER

For a woman to dream of going to a hairdresser shows she will soon be entangled in some family scandal concerning the morals of a member of her family. Should she have her hair dyed, she will narrowly escape imprisonment.

For a man to dream of a hairdresser will presage much gossip or a need to dominate a beautiful woman.

HAM

If you dream of eating ham then you will lose something that means a lot to you.

HONEY

To dream of eating honey foretells that you will attain wealth and love.

ICE

Sitting on ice in your dreams is a dream of the contrary.

ICE CREAM

Eating, making, selling or serving ice cream suggests that you are feeling contentment and satisfaction in your life.

JAIL

To dream that your lover is in jail signifies that this lover is deceitful and untrustworthy.

To dream that you are in jail signifies your feelings of confinement and suffocation.

JAM

If you dream of eating jam you will suffer embarrassment at the hands of a woman through no fault of your own.

KANGAROO

Seeing a kangaroo in your dreams foretells unexpected and exciting trips.

KEYS

To dream of keys denotes unexpected change. If the keys are lost, unpleasant adventures will affect you. To find keys means domestic peace and success in business.

KILLING

If you dreamed of killing someone, whether intentionally or by accident, it signifies a period of severe emotional stress during which you must make a heroic effort to control your temper.

LETTER

To dream of receiving a letter from a friend foretells their arrival or that you will hear from them soon.

LIGHTS

A light shining out of the dark, or a flashlight beam, shows that you will finally find the truth in a situation or the answer to a personal problem that you have been
searching for. If the light is dim, you will only find part of the solution.

MAGIC

Any form of magic in a dream predicts unexpected changes.

To dream of being mystified and/or amused by a magician indicates a reunion with a long-lost friend or the rekindling of a past love affair.

MARRIAGE

Dreaming of a marriage, or a wedding, is the sign of a death in the family. If the marriage was between strangers, then the death pertains to a not too close acquaintance or friend.

MICE

Dreaming of mice foretells domestic troubles or that business affairs will assume a discouraging tone.

If you dream of a mouse jumping on you or getting in your clothing, then you will be involved in a scandal with a friend.

MONKEY

To dream of a monkey denotes that you have deceitful friends who will flatter you to advance their own interests.

NECK

A dream featuring the neck is a sign of approaching money, unless the dream concerned a broken neck, in which case it is a warning against mismanagement of your affairs.

NECKLACE

If you dream of losing a necklace you will soon be suffering bereavement of a loved one.

If you dream your loved one places a necklace around your neck or that you are wearing one, it shows an early marriage and a happy domestic life.

NEEDLE

To find a needle predicts that you will have friends who appreciate you.

To look for a needle foretells useless worries.

OAK TREE

To dream of an old, spreading oak means long life and prosperity. If it is filled with acorns you are due a promotion or some type of increase in your life.

If a newlywed sees many oak trees in a forest it foretells a long marriage and many children.

OCEAN

If you dream you are standing on shore and watching the waves foam up as they break over the beach foretells that you will have some narrow escape from an accidental injury.

If you are far out on the ocean and hear the waves as they lap against the hull of the ship, you will have setbacks in your business and a troubled domestic scene.

To sail on a calm ocean is always a good omen for all concerned.

OWL

To dream of an owl denotes a narrow escape from desperate illness or death.

RACCOON

To dream of a raccoon warns you to be on your guard.. To see a raccoon in your dream shows that people are presenting false faces to you in your everyday life.

To be chased by a raccoon shows that a person you thought a friend has turned on you and now works behind your back for your downfall.

RAPE

Take this dream as a warning. Take precautions, protect yourself emotionally and physically and don't engage in careless behaviors.

ROSE

If a woman dreams of receiving a rose and places it in her hair then will she be deceived by someone thought of as a good friend.

If she receives a bouquet of roses in the Springtime she will find true love but if it is winter her search will be fruitless.

To see a rose bush in full foliage denotes a wedding in the family.

RUNNING

Dream of running: a sign of a big change in your life.

SNAKES

To see a lone snake and feel threatened by it shows that you have a bad enemy that is working against you, it also a warning against bodily harm from an enemy.

To dream of many snakes in a pit is the foreboding of much bad luck in love or business.

Should you overcome and kill a threatening snake in your dream shows that you will overcome your adversary and win out.

SPIDERS

All spiders except tarantulas are omens of good luck. The larger the spider, the bigger the rewards.

If you see a spider climbing the wall you will have your dearest wish come true.

If you see a spider spinning a web you will have an increase in your income due to hard work.

TATTOOS

If you dream you are a tattoo artist and you are tattooing someone's body you will soon break with friends or family over strange practices.

If you dream you are the one being tattooed you will become the target for a strangers jealousy but if you see someone else with tattoos then you will take a long, hard journey from home.

TEA

To dream that you are thirsty for tea means that you will be surprised with uninvited guests.

TEETH

If you dream of having false teeth this indicates that you will have unexpected help on a problem.

To dream of rotten teeth shows that you have been telling someone a lie or using your smooth words for getting your own way.

If your teeth are rotten, crooked, and/or falling out this means that your lies are hurting someone very badly and that you will soon be found out.

If you dream you have swallowed a tooth you will soon have too 'eat your words'

UMBRELLA

Carrying a closed umbrella in the rain is highly unfortunate for the dreamer and his business plans.

To dream of carrying an open umbrella in the rain is a very fortunate sign that speaks of good luck in most endeavors.

A leaky umbrella denotes quarrels with loved ones.

WATER

Dreaming of clear water is a sign of great good luck and prosperity, a dream of muddy water foretells sadness or sorry for the dreamer through hearing of an illness or death of someone he/she knows well.

Dirty water warns of unscrupulous people who would bring you to ruin.

YARN

To dream of yarn shows you will soon become the wife of a wealthy man.

Differences Between You And Your Boss

2008-05-07T05:38:00.000+05:30

Differences Between You And Your Boss

If you take a long time, you're slow.
BUT if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

If you don't do it, you're lazy.
BUT if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

If you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
BUT if your boss makes a mistake, he's "only human".

If you're on a day off sick, you're "always" sick.
BUT if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

If you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
BUT if your boss does it, he's being firm.

If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
BUT if your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

If you please your boss, you're a boot-licker.
BUT if your boss pleases his boss, he's being cooperative.

If you do something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
BUT if your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

If you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
BUT if your boss is out of the office, he's away for important meetings.

If you ask to leave early, you must be going for an interview.
BUT if your boss takes the afternoon off, it's because he's overworked.

Yahoo Office

2008-02-14T20:28:00.001+05:30

Some Sardar Jokes

2008-02-14T20:04:00.000+05:30

Some Sardar Jokes

Sardar: I haven't slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Because I got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn't you exchange it with someone from the lower berth?
Sardar: Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..

Sardar tells a girl "Come to my house at night, nobody will be there"
Girl goes at night and really nobody was there, not even the Sardar.

A Sardar went to a bank to open a savings A/C. After seeing the form, he went to Delhi to fill it up. Can you guess why?
On the form was written "FILL UP THE FORM IN CAPITAL"

A Sardar invested 5 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss.
Do you know what the business was?

He opened a Hair Cutting Saloon in a Punjab village!

A teacher lecturing on population: "In India every 10 seconds a woman gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up and yells: "We must find and stop her!"

Sardar: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

19 sardars went for a film. On asking them why they came in a big group of 19?
They replied that the film was only for above 18.

A Sardar photographer focusing on a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him. Why?

He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.

Sardar: The future tense is "You will go to jail".

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.

Sardar: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

Sardar standing below a tube light with a open mouth. WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light"

Sardar was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: "Yes!"

Sardar & family go to a party.
He introduces himself.
"I Sardar,
She Sardarnee,
The boy, my kid
And the girl, my kidney"

One Sardar professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.

Sardar told his servant: "Go and water the plants."
Servant: "It's already raining."
Sardar: "So what? Take an umbrella and go."

Man to Sardar: "Santa, your daughter has died!"

Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.

At 50th floor he remembers, "I don't have a daughter!!"

At 25th floor he remembers, "I'm unmarried!!!"

At 10th floor he remembers: "I'm Banta, not Santa!!!!"

On a romantic date, Sardar's girl friend asks him, "Darling, on our engagement will you give me a ring?"

Sardar: "Yeah. Sure, what's your phone number?"

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever!!!!
What will come first, Chicken or egg?

"Oye yaar, what ever you order first will come first.

A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: "Why are u laughing?"
Sardar: "I have an Airtel phone but still Hutch network is following me."

Sardar wins Rs. 20 crores from a Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave Rs. 11 crores after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 crores or else return my Rs. 20/- back!"

A teacher tells all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardar.

He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Postman: "I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet."
Sardar: "Why did you come so far? Instead, you could have posted it."

What does a Sardar do after taking a photocopy?

He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

Sardar proposes to a Girl

Girl said, "I am 1 years elder to you"

Sardar said: "Oye, no problem, Soniye. I'll marry you NEXT YEAR."

Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says: "Drink quickly."
Wife: "Why? What's the rush?"
Sardar says: "Look at the menu. Hot coffee Rs. 5/- and Cold coffee Rs. 10/-"

Sardar's wish:

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like all the passengers in the bus he was driving."

Sardar at an art gallery: "I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?"
Art dealer: "I beg your pardon, sir. That’s a mirror!"

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 year old son, he can't read very fast."

Flash news: "A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab. Local Sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more."

A man asked Sardar: "Why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning."

Sardarji replied: ''Arey bhai, Manmohan is PM not AM."

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

Man says, "CHIN YU YAN" and dies."

Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words.

It is: "You are standing on the Oxygen Tube!"

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked, "What you are doing?"

He said: "I m seeing how I look while sleeping."

Important Meeting

2008-01-15T01:26:00.001+05:30

A guy ordered a drink in an airport cocktail lounge and suddenly realized that sitting across from him was Bill Gates. Barely concealing his enthusiasm, he introduced himself, "Hello, Mr. Gates. My name is Larry. You don't know me, but I'd like to ask you for a small favor."

A wary Gates asked, "And what might that be?"

"I'm meeting with a potential client here in a few minutes and if I can sign this deal, it could change my whole life. All I ask is that you walk over and greet me like an old friend. Perhaps my client will be impressed enough to swing the deal."

Relieved, Gates said, "Sure. I can do that for you."

A few minutes later, as the man sat talking with his client, Gates finished his drink, walked over to them, and said, "Hey, Larry! I thought that was you. How've you been?"

And the guy replied, "F*¢k off, Gates! I'm in a meeting here!"

Writing A Thesis

2008-01-15T01:17:00.000+05:30

One fine, sunny day, a rabbit sat outside his burrow, typing on his laptop. Along came a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on, Rabbit?"

Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmm. What's it about?"

Rabbit: "About how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."

Rabbit: "Sure they do. And I can prove it! Come into my burrow."

They disappeared inside and after a few minutes, the rabbit emerged alone, returned to his laptop, and resumed typing. Soon, a wolf came along.

Wolf: "What are you working on, Rabbit?"

Rabbit: "My thesis."

Wolf: "Hmm. What's it about?"

Rabbit: "About how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat wolves."

Rabbit: "Sure they do. And I can prove it! Come into my burrow."

They disappeared inside and after a few minutes, the rabbit emerged alone, returned to his laptop, and resumed typing. Meanwhile, inside the rabbit's burrow there was a pile of fox bones and a pile of wolf bones and a lion picking his teeth.

The Moral?

It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject. It doesn't matter what you use for data. What matters is who you have for a thesis advisor!

Word Association

2008-01-15T01:07:00.000+05:30

A middle-aged man, obsessed with women's breasts, asked a psychologist for help.

"Let's begin with word association," said the doctor. "I'll say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your mind."

"Okay."

"Melons."

"Breasts."

"Apples."

"Breasts."

"Oranges."

"Breasts." This was a deep problem.

"Windshield wipers."

"Breasts."

"Whoa! Melons, sure. Apples and oranges, maybe. But windshield wipers? What's the connection there?"

"Easy, doc: there's one on the left and one on the right!"

The First man In Her Life

2008-01-15T01:04:00.000+05:30

The moon reflected silver on the lake's rippling waters. The waves beat on the shore like the waves of passion ashore. The young man pulled his lips away from hers and whispered, "Darling, am I the first man to make love to you?"

"Of course you are! And the best, too," she said, the irritation evident in her voice. "Why do you men all ask the same old questions?!"

Nude Portrait

2008-01-14T23:19:00.000+05:30

Ole was never much of a scholar, but he sure could paint, especially portraits. As his fame grew, people came from all over to have him paint their formal portrait. One day, a beautiful young woman arrived at his studio and asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude.

"Money is no object. Would a half million dollars be enough?", she said.

Since no one had ever made such a request before, Ole figured he'd better get permission from his wife.

"Can ya wait here fer a minute whilst I asks Lena?", Ole said.

In a few minutes he returned. "Ya, shoor, you betcha, I can paint ya in da nude, but I'll haff ta leave my socks on so's I have a place to wipe my brushes!"

How To Get An A!!!

2008-01-14T23:17:00.000+05:30

After failing his "Logistics and Organization" exam, a student confronted his professor. "Sir, do you understand anything about this subject?"

"Of course. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

"Really? Then allow me to ask you one question. If you answer it correctly, I'll accept my failing grade and leave quietly. But if you don't know the answer, I want an 'A' on my exam."

"Okay. It's a deal. What's your question?"

"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"

After long consideration, the professor conceded and changed the student's score to an "A." Afterwards, the professor asked one of his best students the same question.

The good student answered immediately. "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35-year-old woman which is legal but not logical. Your wife has a 22-year-old lover which is logical but not legal. And the fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A' when he should have failed is neither legal nor logical!"

First Time

2008-01-14T23:14:00.000+05:30

The young virgin farmhand wanted to change his condition so he drove to the big city in search of a prostitute. He found one and explained to her that he had never had sex before.

The hooker said, "No problem, honey."

She undressed both of them and then pulled him down on top of her. "Okay, honey, now stick it in. That's good, now pull it out. Now put it back in all the way. Now pull it out... now push it back in..."

"Damn it, lady!" he shouted. "Make up your mind!"

Enlrage Your Manhood

2008-01-14T23:07:00.001+05:30

Some guys got drunk at the local bar and the topic turned to Bubba, sitting down at the end of the bar and who had what they believed to be the biggest d¡ck in town. One guy got enough courage to ask Bubba how he got so big.

"Easy," said Bubba, "every night before bed, I tug on it, and then slam it three times against the bedpost."

"That's it?", quried the man.

"Yup," said Bubba.

When the bar closed, that man went home, quietly slipped upstairs to the bedroom, pulled out his, tugged it, and tapped it three times on the bedpost.

His wife groggily mumbled, "Bubba? That you?"

Poisoned Dinner

2008-01-14T23:04:00.000+05:30

A couple, hosting a dinner party, was interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen. "Ma'am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counter and ate the middle of the salmon."

Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, then returned to her guests. As everyone enjoyed the fish, the maid summoned the hostess into the kitchen again. "Ma'am, the cat is dead!"

The frightened hostess felt obliged to inform her guests and suggested everyone go to the hospital together to get their stomachs pumped. Returning home after their long, expensive, and embarrassing ordeal, she asked the maid where she had put the cat.

"Nowhere, Ma'am. It's still out in the street where the car hit it!"

Kidnapping

2008-01-14T23:00:00.000+05:30

A blonde in financial trouble decided to raise money by kidnapping a child. She went to a park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree, and wrote this note:

"I kidnapped your child. I'm sorry, but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the statue in the park by 7 AM. Signed, A Blonde."

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park, and found a brown bag behind the statue with $10,000 in it. Inside the bag, beside the cash, was another note:

"Here's your money. I can't believe that one blonde would do this to another!"

Christmass Present By A Blonde

2008-01-14T22:57:00.000+05:30

Three blondes were sitting in a caf, discussing Christmas presents for their boyfriends.

Samantha said, "Peter's balls are cold as ice when I blow him. Maybe I'll get him some ball warmers."

Jenny said, "Richard's, too! Maybe I'll get him some ball warmers, too."

Jenny asked Candi, "When you blow Chris, are his balls cold?"

"Ugh! How disgusting!" exclaimed Candi.

"I never put Chris's thing in my mouth!"

"You're crazy," piped up Samantha. "A good b.j. is the best way to keep a man! Try it! In fact, that's what you should give Chris for Christmas!"

On New Year's Day, the trio met again, but this time Candi had a wicked shiner.

"Whoa!" said Jenny. "How did you get the black eye?"

"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," said Candi.

"What?", yelled Samantha and Jenny.

"I don't get it, either," said Candi. "I was giving him his Christmas present, just like you two suggested, when I mentioned how it was strange that his balls were so warm when Pete's and Richard's were so cold!"

Email To Wife

2008-01-14T21:08:00.000+05:30

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I have Reached Safely
Date: 21st July, 2004

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I have just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …

Methods To Kill A Lion!

2008-01-14T21:03:00.000+05:30

Newton 's Method:

Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.. Implies you caught lion.

Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.

Software Engineer Method:

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Indian Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

Rajnikanth Method :

Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Jayalalitha Method:

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !

Manirathnam Method (director):

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Karan Johar Method (director):

Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don't understand right.... ok.... read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

Yash Chopra method (director):

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

Govinda method:

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Menaka Gandhi method:

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.

George Bush method:

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and then shoot him!!!

Ravi Shastri method:

Ask the lion to bowl at u. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion tired and surrenders ,,......

Sleeping Animals

2007-11-08T18:54:00.000+05:30

Playboy in BRAILLE!

2007-04-16T01:46:00.000+05:30

Water On Road

2007-04-16T01:43:00.000+05:30

You tested Positive

2007-04-16T01:42:00.000+05:30

MAFIA Insurance, Inc.

2007-04-16T01:40:00.001+05:30

Hand me the Hairdryer

2007-04-16T01:40:00.000+05:30

Virus Infection Protection

2007-04-16T01:38:00.000+05:30

Happens all the time

2007-04-16T01:37:00.000+05:30

Most Effective Birth Control

2007-04-16T01:36:00.000+05:30

Complaint Department

2007-04-16T01:34:00.000+05:30

Internet Humor

2006-11-09T02:48:00.000+05:30

The strength of a man

2006-11-09T01:44:00.000+05:30

The strength of a man

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
It's seen in the width of his arms that circle you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It's in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
It's how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
It's in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.
It's in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn't in the hair on his chest.
It's in his Heart... that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn't how many women he's loved.
It's in how he can be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.
It's in the burdens he can carry....

Principles for success

2006-11-08T06:50:00.000+05:30

This is the story of Robby.

He was a young boy who lived with his elderly other. His mother wanted him to learn how to play the piano because she longed to hear her son play for her. She sent her son to a piano teacher, who took Robby in under her guidance

However, there was one small problem, because Robby was not musically inclined and therefore was very slow in learning. The teacher did not have much faith in the boy because of his weakness. The mother was very enthusiastic and every week she would send Robby to the teacher

One day Robby stopped attending the piano lessons. The teacher thought that he had given up and in fact she was quite pleased since she did not give much hope to Robby. Not long after the piano teacher was given the task to organize a piano concert in town. She sent out circulars to invite the students and public to attend the event.

Suddenly, she received a call from Robby who offered to take part in the concert. The teacher told Robby that he was not good enough and that he was no longer a student since he had stopped coming for lessons

Robby begged her to give him a chance and promised that he would not let her down.

Finally, she gave in and she put him to play last, hoping that he will change his mind at the last minute. When the big day came, the hall was packed and the children gave their best performance. Finally, it was Robby's turn to play and as his name was announced, he walked in. He was not in proper attire and his hair was not properly groomed.

The teacher was really nervous since Robby's performance could spoil the whole evening's brilliant performance

As Robby started playing the crowd became silent and was amazed. At the skill of this little boy. In fact, he gave the best performance of the evening. At the end of his presentation the crowd and the piano teacher gave him a standing ovation. The crowd asked Robby how he managed to play so brilliantly.

With a microphone in front of him, he said, "I was not able to attend the weekly piano lessons as there was no one to send me because my mother was sick with cancer. She just passed away this morning and I wanted her to hear me play. You see, this is the first time she is able to hear me play because when she was alive she was deaf and now I know she is listening to me. I have to play my best for her!"

SUCCESS PRINCIPLES

This is indeed a touching story of love and excellence. When you have a passion and a reason to do something, you will surely excel. You may not be talented or gifted but if you have a strong enough reason to do something, you will be able to tap into your inner God given potential

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE

Find the good. It's all around you. Find it, showcase it and you'll start believing in it."

Gotta see this one

2006-10-15T12:22:00.000+05:30

Gotta see this one

Okay I don't know how ggod a panasonic tv is. But if it is half of what is shown in this commercial, it is worth a buy.

No Dancing

2006-09-27T04:11:00.000+05:30

A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding meet with their Mullah for counseling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave. Ahmed asks, "We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together."

"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately."

"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"

"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."

Well, okay," says Ahmed, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"

Of course!," replies the Mullah, "Alla ho Akber! (GOD is great) Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!"

"What about different positions?" asks the man.
"Alla ho Akber! Mafi Mushkila (no problem)," says the Mullah. "Woman on top?" Ahmed asks.

"Sure," says the Mullah. "Alla ho Akber. Go for it!"

"Doggy style?" "Sure! Alla ho Akber!"
"On the kitchen table?"

"Yes, yes! Alla ho Akber!"

"Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather
harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"

"You may indeed. Alla ho Akber!"

"Can we do it standing up?"

"No, absolutely not!" says the Mullah."

"Why not?" asks the man.

"Because that could lead to dancing!"

Why is it good to be a man?

2006-09-27T01:54:00.000+05:30

Why it is good to be a man?

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work .. more pay.
11. Wrinkles-add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood, ALL the damn time.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me.".
27. No maxi-pads.
28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

Definitions redefined

2006-09-26T05:47:00.000+05:30

Definitions you won't find in the dictionary!

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

Models with Hats

2006-04-24T23:32:00.000+05:30

Here are some cool hats. Click on the images to enlarge them. You could also download a zip file of these images at : http://www.uploading.com/?get=DFVNO5T7

Lotus Europa

2006-02-20T23:04:00.000+05:30

Lotus Europa :

From : http://www.pistonheads.com/lotus/europa/

1964 was the year Colin Chapman set about creating the birth of one of the lowest slung coupes ever made - the Lotus Europa. With Lotus 7 production waning, Colin Chapman was looking for a car to replace the now legendary 7. To replace the it a similarly simple car was needed that could be serviced at non-specialist garages and to be relatively cheap to buy.

Chapman's desire was for a race inspired, lightweight, slippery coupe with a four cylinder engine. The racing theme provoked the mid-engined layout, a rare arrangement in cars of the era and extended to the cabin which benefited from a fixed seat and fixed windows. Steering and pedals adjusted for size.

From : http://www.lotuseuropa.org/

New for the road in 1966 was the Europa, an export market, mid-engine coupe powered by Renault. Lotus took the 1470cc OHV engine plus its four speed gearbox and drive from the front-wheel-drive Renault 16 and reversed them, giving a good layout for the Europa, good access to the engine and reduced the Lotus dependence on Ford.

The chassis was a steel backbone, similar in concept to that of the Elan and the suspension followed the usual Lotus practice, the bolt-on wheels being braked by front discs and rear drums. A very sleek fiberglass body was bonded to the chassis on the early cars, which made accident repair most difficult and the windows were fixed in place.

A competition version of the Europa was also built in small numbers and this used a 1594cc Lotus-Cosworth twin camshaft engine, five speed Hewland gearbox, upgraded suspension, discs all round and lost some weight. One car was built for GKN using a Rover V-8 engine and reputedly ran at close to 180 mph. It was used for development work and by some lucky executives.

The Europa was changed to the Series 2 to overcome some of its problems by not bonding the body to the chassis, adding electric windows and improving the interior trim. However, the model remained an export until 1969 when it finally reached its home market, available as a finished car or in kit form.

During the engine development, Lotus built the Type 62 as a Group 6 prototype sports racer. It had a space frame chassis and a body based on the Europa. Finished in Gold Leaf colors it looked, sounded and performed well to indicate areas needing further work. The cars had a short life with the works race team but a least one was sold on and later raced.

In 1971 the Renault-powered Europa was replaced by the Europa Twin-Cam. This used the Lotus-Ford twin-cam engine which was mated to the four-speed Renault gearbox at first and had the side "sails" removed to give it the flat rear deck. At the same time the body was mounted slightly higher on the chassis and made slightly longer to accommodate "normal" people.

1973 saw the Big Valve engine to create the Europa Special and this option of five speeds using Austin gears which enhanced the car’s ability to cruise at speed.

Production stopped in early 1975.

Now for some pics :

When printer attacks.

2006-02-20T06:13:00.000+05:30

Ever got frustrated with a paper jam? What if the printer gets frustrated? Found this very funny video for you people. Download, view, laugh!

Download Now : http://www.uploading.com/?get=VYO9DZRB

Ice Suclpture

2006-02-01T19:36:00.000+05:30

Ice sculpture is a form of sculpture that uses ice as the raw material.

Sculpting ice presents a number of difficulties due to the variability and volatility of the material. Ice must be carefully selected to be suitable for sculpting. The ideal material should be made from pure, clean water for high transparency, and have the minimum amount of air bubbles. The temperature of the environment affects how quickly the piece must be completed to avoid the effects of melting; if the sculpting does not take place in a cold environment, a large ice house is generally required. For this reason ice sculpture is not common in warm or temperate areas.
Source : Wikipedia

Concorde's Last Filght

2006-01-29T09:05:00.000+05:30

Here are some interesting facts about the world's fastest commercial aircraft :

It made its first flight on March 2, 1969 from Toulouse, France
October 1, 1969 was the Concorde's first supersonic flight
Concorde's four engines - specially designed Rolls-Royce/ Snecma Olympus 593s – are the most powerful pure jet engines to fly commercially
Takes off at 220 knots (250mph) (compared with 165 knots for most subsonic aircraft)
More than 2.5 million passengers have flown supersonically on British Airways' Concorde since she entered commercial service in 1976
October 24, 2003 was the Concorde's last supersonic commercial flight

You can find more details of the Concorde at the British Airways site

Meanwhile here are some pictures of the Concorde's Last Flight.

Illusionism

2006-01-10T15:30:00.000+05:30

Illusionism

Look at this image

Now look at the same image upside down

Loo at Sofitel Queenstown, New Zealand

2005-12-27T01:36:00.000+05:30

Loo at Sofitel Queenstown, New Zealand

Loo at Sofitel
Queenstown, New Zealand

Queenstown, New Zealand

Sofitel Queenstown is the first international five-star hotel in Queenstown, completed to the highest European standards - a hallmark of Sofitel hotels worldwide. Featuring 82 elegantly appointed guestrooms, superb restaurants and bars and a day spa, this boutique hotel is located close to all of Queenstown's major attractions and surrounded by world-class shopping, restaurants and nightclubs.

Sofitel Queenstown is located in the heart of the city, just 15 minutes drive from the airport and 20 minutes from Coronet Peak ski fields. The hotel features 82 luxury rooms and suites, most offering private balconies with either mountain or lake views. All rooms are equipped with LCD television, CD and DVD player, espresso machine, wireless LAN and an additional LCD television in the bathroom. Sofitel Queenstown also has a day spa, business lounge, library, conference area, bar and restaurant.

Wedding invitation of a Software Engineer

2005-12-26T23:14:00.000+05:30

It's a Software Engineer's wedding Invitation:

Click to enlarge

Different Viruses

2005-12-25T04:48:00.000+05:30

Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas virus:
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional virus:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus:
You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian virus:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Public Television virus:
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike virus:
Just does it.

Congressional virus #2:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Star Trek virus:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care virus:
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Five Great Lessons

2005-12-22T02:39:00.000+05:30

Five Great Lessons

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The MN took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached..

It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a
10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it, if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

"Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching."

The Wife Translations Guide

2005-12-19T04:07:00.000+05:30

The Wife Translations Guide

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to

The wife says: I'm not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron

The wife says: You're... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No

The wife says: No
The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No

The wife says: I'm sorry
The wife means: You'll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: I'm not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.
The wife means: I'm still building up steam.

Santosh Mishra is GOD

2005-12-19T03:41:00.000+05:30

Santosh Mishra is GOD
Click image to enlarge

Want something bannered? Go and get your own banner at th following site :
Lintukoto.net / Banner Generator

Interior Decorations

2005-12-19T03:31:00.000+05:30

Interior Decorations : Computerised 3D models
Click to Enlarge

3D Art in Swimming Pool

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3D Art in Swimming Pool :
Click to enlarge

Maxine Says

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Girls at different ages

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What is the difference between girls aged:
8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

Wife Story : Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow!!!

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Wife Of Yesterday!

Wife Of Today!!

Wife Of Tomorrow!!!

THE EARTH QUAKES

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THE EARTH QUAKES

How and where they occur :
An earth quake is a shaking of the ground. It occurs when masses of rocks changes position below the earth surfaces. the shifting masses send out shock waves that may be powerfull enough to wresk buildings, roads and bridges. They may even alter the surface of the earth,thrusting up cliffs and opening fissures in the ground.
Earthquakes go on almost continuosly and it can be detected by only sensitive intrument called seismographs. Earthquake produce such tragic and dramatic effects as destroyed cities, broken dams, earth slides, giant sea waves and volcanic erruptions.

How an earthquake takes place :
Earth quakes may be caused by volacnic eruptions or by man made blasts of dynamite or atomic energy. A more frequent and powerfull type of earth quake is the 'tectomic temblor' pressure from within the earth put strain upon great rock masses beneath the earth's surface. The strain builds upuntil suddenly the masses are displayed along some line of weakness known as fault. The masses slip and slide in opposite directions along thsi fracture in the rock,shaking and ground above. The masses may move up and down, sideways or both verticaly or horizontally on the earth's surface, displacement fo the ground may vary from a few inches to many feet somtimes a fault line appears on the surface of the earth, showing the location of the fault beneath the shock (seismic) waves caused by the shifting rock move out in all directions. In a great eatth quake shocks may be felt by people a thousand miles away from the centre. seismographs on the other side of the world pick up the waves,this is because the shock waves of a largeearth quake move through the entire structure of the earth and also travel all over its surface. There are two classes of seismic waves, interior and surface which travelthrough the earth, in turn are of two type. the primary wave, or p wave, is the faster of the two and reaches the earth's surface first. it alternatively compresses and expands the rock through which it passes. the secondary wave or S wave is a ' shake' wave. It moves partical from side to side, at right angles top its direction of travel. By comparing the arrival times of p waves and s waves qar seismological observing stations scientists can determine the centre of earth quake thousand of miles away. The most powerfull shock waves, however travel on the earth's surface. surface waves of which there are atleast two types travel more slowly then interior waves.

Measuring earthquakes :
A seismograph records the pattern of shock waves on a revolving drum paper, thin wavy lines show the strength of the various waves and the times at which occured. the tracing is called a seismogram. The study of earth quakes is seismology. JOHN MILNE, an english scietist was an early inventor of seismograph. Basically, the instrument is a heavy pendulum with a stylus, or needle suspended above in front of a revolving drum. During an earthquake the pendulum and needle remain stable while the drum on the base moves, recording the waves patterns. In some seismographs a ray of light traces the pattern of photographic pape. The strength of an earth quake can also be determined by the amount of damage done or by instrument readings. The modified meracali intensity scale is commonly use to indicate the amount if destruction caused by an earthquake. It defines 12 levels of earthquake strength. The richter magnitude scale grades earthquake on a 1 to 10 scale. It is based upon the amount of energy released by the rock movements rather than upon surface damage.

Where earthquakes occur :
Most earthquakes take place in one of two great 'earth quake belts' that gridle the world. The belts coincide with the more recently formed mountain ranges and with the volcanic belts. One circles the pacific ocean along the mountainous west coasts of north and south america and truns through the island areas of asia. More earthquakes occur in the pacific belt than in the pacific belt than in the second belt.
The rock movements that causes earthquakes occur at varying depths beneath the surface. The point at which rock movement is known as the focus of an earthquake. most earthquake are shallow, with focusses no more than 37 miles below the surface. Intermediate earthquakes have focusses between 37 and 93 miles below the surface. A deep earthquake has a focus between 93 and 435 miles down. None has an ever been recorded below 477 miles.

Earthquake destructions :
The point of greatest destructions in an earth quake is the epicenter. This is the point on the surface directly above the ground focus. Factors other than the earthquake intensity influence the amount of destructions caused. Soft ground for example magnifies the shocks. An area with underlaid rock will not be severally shaken. The structures of buildings is also important. Building with steel frames eveloped by reinforced concrete withstand earthwuakes very well. Solid foundations are also needed for buildings in earth quake zones. Balconies, parapets and similar ornamentation should be avoided since these may break off during earth quake, creating another hazard. Some of the side efffects of earthquakes cause the most damage. Fires break out and rage unchecked over wide areas, since water mains are often broken. Seismic sea waves are another danger. These are known by the japanese name of tsunamis, though they are are often called tidal waves. They are not caused by the tides but are probably of vertical fault movements or landslides under the sea. In the deep ocean the waves travel at speeds of over 600 miles an hour but remain low in height. As the tsunamis approach shores they build up into powerfull walls of water 90 feet or more in height. While seismograph can record the shocks that sometimes preecede an earthquake, scientist haven't yet learned how to predict when a earthquake wil occur. Certain signs however do give advance warning of destructive tsunamis.

Bored?

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Salt Hotel, Bolivia

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Long Hair

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Lego City, Amsterdam

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What is it? A Towel? A Dog?

2005-12-06T01:51:00.000+05:30

General info about Human Body

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General info about Human Body

Our heart beats around 100,000 times every day.
Our blood is on a 60,000-mile journey.
Our eyes can distinguish up to one million color surfaces and take in more information than the largest telescope known to man.
Our lungs inhale over two million liters of air every day, without even thinking.
They are large enough to cover a tennis court.
Our hearing is so sensitive it can distinguish between hundreds of thousands of different sounds.
Our sense of touch is more refined than any device ever created.
Our brain is more complex than the most powerful computer and has over 100 billion nerve cells.
We give birth to 100 billion red cells every day.
When we touch something, we send a message to our brain at 124 mph.
We have over 600 muscles.
We exercise at least 30 muscles when we smile.
We are about 70 percent water.
We make one liter of saliva a day.
Our nose is our personal air-conditioning system: it warms cold air, cools hot air and filters impurities.
In one square inch of our hand we have nine feet of blood vessels, 600 pain sensors, 9000 nerve endings, 36 heat sensors and 75 pressure sensors.

Still Some More Jewellery

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Some More Jewellery

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Jewellery

2005-12-05T21:54:00.000+05:30

Update : Bicycles from BMW

2005-12-04T15:03:00.000+05:30

Update : After searching the net here are a few interesting links I came across :

Bicycles from BMW

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Meeting with the BOSSSSS

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M E E T I N G ! ! !

Recursive news : Woman spotted yesterday reading today's newspaper!!

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Recursive news : Woman spotted yesterday reading today's newspaper!!

Who wouldn't want a car like that?

2005-12-04T05:23:00.000+05:30

Who wouldn't want a car like that?

A Grim Fairy Tale

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